Chopstork

I have a very deep love for Alabaster Cleaners.*  I discovered them a few weeks ago, when I had mountains of laundry to do, but only one machine in the apartment, and little time or desire to accomplish such a major task.  I thought I’d try one of those “wash n fold” services where you can drop off your clothes dirty, and pick them up fresh as a daisy.  I started googling around, and came across the website for the ultimate service, provided by Alabaster.  They actually come to your house with laundry bags, pick up your shit, wash it, fold it, and deliver it, all for just $1 a pound.  (note:  an entire wardrobe weighs roughly 40 lbs).  I was hesitant to let a complete stranger take my clothes, but the yelp.com review was positive, so I tried it.  They came at night, and the next day, I had neatly folded and stacked bundles of clothes.  Somehow, I once again wound up with piles of dirty clothes, and made the decision to pay once more for my laziness.  The guy came this morning.  He says he will deliver my clean clothes this evening.  It’s like all of the benefits of living with your mother, with none of the drawbacks (i.e. actually living with your mother).  And ok, I still wash my own delicate unmentionables, because lets face it, nobody wants to have to reclaim her underwear on eBay.   I fear that is what would happen if I outsource that job.  Not to mention the hell I would unleash if somebody put my favorite bra in the dryer.  (nerd note:  underwire is actually made out of shape-memory alloy, thus making it “dryer safe,” but the rest of the material doesn’t fare too well).  Now all I need is somebody to cook me dinner and iron my dress shirts… anyone know where I can get a wife?

*continuation of very deep love dependent upon return of my favorite jeans unruined, and all tank tops accounted for.