Chopstork

Last week, against my better judgment, I bought a Motorola RAZR V3m.  While I loved how easily it fit into my purses — even wristlets — I did not love how the alarm function would only work when I set it for a PM time.  So today I took it back to the Verizon store on University Ave and got the parking spot right outside the door!  Good sign.  I walked over to the customer service counter, where I was immediately complimented on my outfit (not gonna lie, I looked cute today).  Another good sign.  The guy behind the counter asked what my issue was, so I explained my dismay about the alarm, which is a crucial feature for me.  He asked for my receipt and everything that came in the box, so I asked what my options were.  He said I would get a new phone.  The conversation that followed went something to the effect of:
“Are you getting me a new RAZR?”

“Yes.”

“Do I have to get that same phone?”

“No.”

“Good.  Because I’d like to play with the Chocolate.”

::awkward pause, as we both realize that this guy is black::

“Ha, yeah you can definitely do that.”

“Um…  that came out so totally wrong.  I, um, meant the new LG phone.  The Chocolate…”

“I wasn’t going to go there.”

Anyway, so he shows me the LG phone, and it looks purse-fittable.  I don’t care for all the bells and whistles (why are they trying to sell me an MP3 player in a cell phone store?), but it lights up brightly (excellent beacon), has several alarms (good for my neurologically impaired drowsy mornings), and can make and receive calls (I need a fuckin phone, after all).  While he was getting the new phone ready, I discreetly move the gold and diamond (ok fine, gold-plated and CZ) ring from my right hand to my left, in case he thought my poor word choice was hinting at activities I would currently like to engage in with Ty Barnett.  I am so lame.  After a long time and much small talk (they had problems transferring my phone book), he asked me out.  It caught me pretty off-guard, and I just wasn’t feeling it. So there will be no chocolate for Christine.  Just a new phone.