Chopstork

Friends,

I got a very special email this Tuesday. Or rather, my namesake the senior manager in Bethesda, Maryland got it and eventually forwarded it to me. We had been cordially invited to a new event in the festivities of Peterman Going Away Week 2006. It was to be a farewell lunch, and invitees were to dress in Petermanesque attire. I knew right away that this was a big deal. There were going to be prizes, and I HAD TO WIN THEM. But, it wouldn’t be easy. There were going to be dozens of people in that Chipotle dressed like Peterman. Clever, creative people who have so much free time that they mod-out big-wheels and race them around the office. Just think of the competition I would be up against: business-casual Peterman, drunken Peterman, just-got-out-of-bed Peterman, and the biggest threat of all: just-got-out-of-bed-drunken-business-casual Peterman. So, I fretted until Wednesday came. I donned my best Polo shirt. I brushed off my threadbarest khaki’s. I forewent contacts for glasses. I combed my hair forward. I practiced lip-pouting. I may have prepared a speech. I knew I was close, but still, it wasn’t going to be enough. And that’s when I thought of an edge: I would carry a printout of Peterman’s MS Outlook calendar. The Peter-plan. Sheer. Utter. Brilliance.

I don’t want to brag, so let’s just say I smoked the competition.

Yours,
Steve Costansen