Chopstork

has anybody made plans to travel cross-country for this yet? I’d really like to go, but my upcoming trip to the other side of the world is leaving me feeling stingy. I’ve looked a bit at airfare, some of it isn’t too bad, and I might be able to use AA miles. Is everybody flying into the Charlottesville airport? Are there other decent ones to choose from? Apparently this marriage is too formal an affair for evite, so I’m still not entirely sure who is going. I assume the groom & groom will be there (rest assured my gift will include His & His towels, even though there is no registry). Who else? What’s your trip itinerary?

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/0617081secrets1.html

Things I needed to find on the McMaster-Carr website today:

1. Shims (w/tabs)
2. Sleeve Bearings

Things I somehow managed to find on the McMaster-Carr website as well:

1. Trumpet-style Horns
2. Tampons

Oh Mondays, you’re always so unpredictable.

here’s a nice candid moment of Prince Charles.

Since it’s been a while since we had anything interactive on Chopstork, I’m proposing we start a little caption contest. DP, Steven J, I expect you both to participate…

a little over a month ago, I bought a pet rat. being around animals helps my mood, and I wanted to get something that was easy to care for and could be left alone all day (and some nights). I did some research, and it turns out rats are clean, affectionate, and smart. boy rats are usually tamer, but they are also disproportionately endowed. so I went with a girl rat, and named her Rambo. she was a tiny thing, timid but curious, and we were getting along well. but then she got sick. really sick. and died. I never had pets as a kid — it wasn’t until college when I lived with people who owned pets — and have only had a few fish in my life. I didn’t know how to deal with the death of something unflushable… I cried. a lot. I had gotten attached… since I didn’t want to dwell on the death, I decided to get a new rat, but it turns out they do better in pairs, so I went for two. I found some chick on craigslist that had a new litter ready for adoption. I could write an entire post about this rat lady, but I’ll spare you. anyway, I adopted two healthy, gorgeous girl rats and named them Sequel and Raptor. I’ve had them for about 2 weeks.

I was out of town for a few days, and when I came back last night, I noticed Sequel had gotten huge. according to the internet, female rats are prone to growing tumors on or around their mammary glands, and the tumors can grow very quickly. so I figured it was a tumor, and if it kept growing, I’d take her to the vet.

it wasn’t a tumor.

I woke up this morning and went to check on Sequel. imagine my surprise when I saw her hovering over more than a half dozen little rat babies. that’s right, I unknowingly purchased a knocked up rat. I did not want a pregnant rat, nor do I want nine little bastard rats crowding up the cage. I have no idea what to do. my mom, being the pragmatist that she is, suggested I just kill the babies, but I think Sequel would know and hold it against me. plus, I don’t have it in me to off the offspring of my pet. but I think I do have it in me to let another creature, one more relevant in the food chain, kill the babies. I’ll try waiting until they are old enough to separate from mommy, and if nobody wants to adopt them… snake food. am I a horrible person? when Rambo got sick, I spent $86 at the vet. I was willing to fork over the same for Sequel. but I have no interest in owning more than two rats, and as an omnivore who has seen The Lion King, I understand the circle of life.

sigh. what do I do?

froggetmee

but can they blog?

…but I’ve never been more grateful for it, after seeing what homeschooling can do to a child. Allow me to introduce Exhibit A.

I’m surprised this kid can even spell CNN, let alone win the national bee. He talks like Forrest Gump, although is likely much much smarter. Life might be like a box of chocolates, but we all know what this kid isn’t gonna get: laid.

It is quite possible that this kid has some form of autism, in which case I applaud his efforts. And I will continue to applaud them as I burn in hell. I’m not sure if it is Asperger’s or some other part of the spectrum that affects social interaction, but something is probably off. I should really be making fun of the interviewer, who can’t read along as a word is spelled. Because as I learned in junior high, a good way to make yourself feel big is to put other people down.

I’m probably going to delete this post.

Oh, and whoever changed my Chopstork name from “Christine” to “hobag,” I encourage you to enjoy your nuts while you still have them.

So in a post I wrote a few weeks ago, I mentioned that I was headed to vegas. I went this past weekend, just for a few days. My parents got me a room in the same hotel as them, a bit off the strip — but that was nice, because I mostly wanted to relax. I finally got to see a cirque du soleil show (Mystere), and I liked it. The first 30 minutes were pretty boring, but once it got to all the stupid human tricks, it was awesome. And thankfully, no contortionists. I have a hard time dealing with freakishly bendy people. I’d suggest locking them up, but they’d probably slither out somehow. We went out to a few good dinners too, and after one particular meal decided to do some gambling. My P’s had previously played a game called Sic Bo that they liked a lot, so I checked that out. It was fun and mindless, but not quite the excitement I was looking for. M&D decided to make it an early night, so my dad gave me $20 and told me to have a little more fun. I took that money (the last I was prepared to lose) over to the craps table, and admitted to the people running the table that I had no idea how to play. I asked if they could sort of help me learn as I go… there were only two other gamblers at the table at that time, so they were cool with it. They suggested I start by just betting the pass line. I blindly agreed. Then the gave me the dice. I didn’t know what I was supposed to be rolling at any given time, but judging by the amount of happy gamblers that soon surrounded the table, I assume I did pretty well. Two guys about my age were next to me. The first one didn’t roll very well; the second one had a longer streak then I did. Throughout the 30 minutes of dice rolling, we were talking, flirting, betting, cheering… I continued to only bet the pass line, since I didn’t know what I was doing, and wound up making $150. The guys were betting on numbers, and made significantly more. Anyway, they invited me to meet up with their other friends at Ghostbar, and I happily accepted. Winning money puts me in a good mood, and I’m not one to turn down a chance to hang with 5 dudes.

Later that night, as we stood in line waiting for a cab, the two I met at the craps table admitted something that startled me — they thought I might have been a hooker. A what?!? Me?! First off, I had come from dinner with my parents — my very Catholic parents — so it wasn’t like I was dressed all slutty. I was wearing a skirt that I bought in the girls’ section of Target (shut up, I’m small boned), and a white tank top. Not very scandalous. Secondly, I had on no makeup whatsoever. I’ve watched enough TV to know that hookers wear tons of it. TV doesn’t lie. And lastly, I am just so not a hooker. Jeez. I asked what their reasoning was behind the assumption. They said that since I was out gambling alone, being all outgoing and flirty with the table, then I was probably aiming to work for some of their money. Clearly, I do not understand Vegas at all. In this age of feminism, I suppose I should have been somewhat offended that they labeled me a potential prostitute, weary of any way I might trick them into becoming an actual trick. But lately, I feel as though I can’t even GIVE it away, so I was mildly flattered that they think people would be willing to pay for it. I like them.

so this might be a terrible idea, but since we always have some sort of “drink dispenser” on our B2B treks, and making a soda fountain would take some serious time and money, what about buying one of these costumes: adult shake costume and putting it over a keg of beer… so we’re dressing up beer as a McD’s milkshake… and wheeling it around in a shopping cart… what size keg fits in a shopping cart? we can always get a child-size shake costume and put it over a pony keg. I think it would be kind of cute. child milkshake costume What do you guys think?