The Dule diaries, year 1
December 20th, 2008 by some dude
March 1
Dule is a bitch. No really, I am. 10:57pm
Fetch
I started learning to fetch. I can put the ball in A.J.’s hand now.
April 1
More fetch
I did more fetching. This time outside! But then I got distracted by the ground and quit. Dirt is fascinating.
April 2
Dule is I need to pee. I need to pee. I need to pee. I need to pee.
Dule is aaaahhhh, sweet relief.
Dule is destroying the bone. Destroy!
sit? down?
Still a little confused what “down” is. Thought I knew it last week.
April 3
Dule is hyper.
bed
April 4
Humpy wants me
Dule is chewing.
April 5
Dule is tired from playing with Afton.
April 8
Dule is panicking because the treat is stuck in the Orbo.
April 9
orbo
Wow. I’ve figured out that holding the orbo by the small end and shaking = food appears on the floor. No more random batting-around.
Dule is chewing.
oh poop
I think I pooped my crate today. Then I think I ate it. Cuz when Laura came home, it smelled like poop, but the poop was gone.
Dule is scheming when I can next pee in inappropriate places.
April 10
Dule almost scratched A.J.’s eyeball out. That woke him up.
April 12
Dule pooped upstairs … in bed.
Dule had a lovely time wandering around downtown all morning and meeting lots of strangers…in bed.
April 13
Dule decapitated and disemboweled her cat…in bed.
Dule dismembered her moose and is missing a tooth (unrelated) in bed.
April 14
LED Dog Tail Communicator probably just says: ‘Baaaaacon! Bacon bacon bacon!’
April 15
Dule has been told her next trick is to point at her own droppings in the yard for easy pick up.
April 19
food
I like dog food. It is good.
April 20
Stringy (by A.J.)
Once upon a time there was a dog. A dog named Dule.
Dule made a doodie. But the doodie stuck to her booty. She must have eaten some hair. Dule did not notice the doodie stuck on her booty.
Her owner tried to tell her. Dule was busy digging a hole.
Then Dule thought something smelled funny. She looked at her butt, where smelly things usually appear. There was a doodie! This scared Dule!
She ran and ran and ran around the yard. But this doodie was chasing her. She could not get away. She dragged her rear on the grass. But this doodie was stalking her. It would not go away. Her owner said, “I’m not wiping your butt; you better figure it out.” She ran and ran some more.
And finally it let go. And Dule was happy.
April 21
Dule is shedding.
Circles. Running away from the rake.
Dule has hiccups again.
April 27
Dule lost a tooth!
April 28
Dule is pooped from racing A.J. up and down the grassy knoll.
growing
Paws and nose suddenly huge. I can see over the counter tops now. Lots of things to steal up there.
Dule thinks Bitter Yuck is kinda sorta tasty.
May 3
Dule is wiped out from a walk downtown.
May 6
Dule ate $13 in Metro fare.
May 7
Dule discovered car sickness today … on Laura.
I heart hearts
I went to a place the humans call Richmond where someone put cold stuff on my chest and made pretty movies on a computer. They said my heart murmur is really unlikely to be a problem. Good, I won’t die. On the way there I vommed all over Laura’s lap. Carsickness! I need to chew my food better.
May 9
Dule smells really bad.
Dule is playing at Minnie’s.
May 10
Dule is hunting ants.
May 11
Dule is bitey again.
May 13
Dule is chewing on A.J.’s ripped jeans.
Dogs
Played and fetched and kissed and frolicked with Afton and another big black dog last night, and Barkley tonight. I like dogs. Barkley is a lazy fetcher just like me.
May 14
I like cauliflower
May 15
Dule was the biggest dog in her puppy class, but did not hurt anyone.
May 16
Puppy class
I had puppy class today. I was the biggest one. The leash wouldn’t let me go cuz I was too crazy. It turns out that I am very good playing with puppies. Except maybe the one puppy (Maggie?) that I chased around in circles whenever I could. Eh, she liked it.
I forgot how small and cute puppies are. I used to be that cute. It’s ok, I’m still cute according to the humans.
I’m not the loudest! Black lab was the loudest. I’m the second loudest. I am the most don’t-want-to-sit-still. Too much to play with!
Man in the oven
Someone is living inside the oven. I look at him and he looks back. He is not always there. When he is there he is always eating. When he speaks, his voice comes from the wrong direction. He sounds eerily similar to the human who feeds me.
May 19
Dule is better now and thanks Vicky, John, and Garbee for taking care of her.
May 20
Sick
I got sick this weekend after A.J. left me. It was either the pepperonis he fed me, or the dog poop I fed myself. I had diarrhea cha cha cha, and then vommed on Saturday. In my crate. Vicky got to clean it up. She is so nice. Then Garbee and Vicky took me outside and hosed me off. I did not like the hose. I had to eat chicken and rice for a day. Then I got better. My toys are outside still because they are infected with my grossness.
May 25
Dule is tired.
Old Rag
Climbed lots of rocks with Afton and Remmie. I am tired.
May 26
Dule wants to sleep all day.
Dule is a new fan of soup bones.
Fighting the sticky roller
May 27
Dule likes beer.
Dule has been banned from rawhides, but is a huge fan of the bully stick … which is made from bull penis!
May 29
Dule has to take medicine for a urinary tract infection.
Urinary tract infection
I have a urinary tract infection. The vet could tell because I’ve been licking my vulva. … what’s a vulva? A.J. followed me with a cup to catch my pee. That weirded me out. I have to take medicine now. I am expensive!!!
May 31
Dule is the reason nature invented velcro.
Gonna get fixed
It’s almost time to get fixed. Instead of an open surgery, I would like a laparoscopic ovariohysterectomy. Does anyone do those around here? I wonder if A.J. and Laura will pay for that.
I have hairs in front of my eyeballs too.
June 4
Dule is pooped from 2 days of doggy day care and thanks her friends for taking care of her again.
June 7
Dule is slowly turning gold.
June 11
Dule is STILL infected where she pees. And it’s gonna cost more money to fix it.
The birds and the squirrels
The creatures they call “bird” and “squirrel” want to play with me. They ask to be chased. I never noticed them before.
June 12
I like water.
June 15
Dule is: Chew ball. Drop ball under desk. Dig for ball. Human retrieves ball. Repeat. …Dig for ball. Turn off power strip. No more ball.
June 22
Dule is probably done with the UTI, but now has an eye infection. She likes to keep the humans poor.
June 23
Dule is off to the vet. Again.
Dule …who knew dogs can get conjunctivitis.
July 2
Dule does not like her new car harness.
Dule is looking forward to discovering the ocean this weekend.
July 3
Dule got her tongue bitten and bled all over the sidewalk.
Hole in my tongue
My walk was exciting today. A lot of people at the amphitheater. I ignored A.J. calling me back because they all wanted to play. Some birds swooped down and opened their wings at me. They must have wanted to play too.
On our way back a big golden retriever was sitting at the place they call Mellow. He sniffed my nose. I sniffed his nose. Then he got mad and snapped. He scared me, I jumped. Then A.J. looked at me and said I was bleeding, whatever that means. He said I looked like a vampire. The sidewalk was covered in red stuff. We made quite the spectacle. A vet I’ve met before looked at me too. I don’t know what all the fuss is about. I’m hungry. When I drink, my water turns pink!
My tongue changed shapes some time today too. Feels weird. Whatever. I wanna go swimming.
July 4
Dule now has a deformed tongue.
July 6
Dule wants to stay at the eastern shore and did not realize dogs can’t walk on water.
Dule misses boozing it up at the Shore. It was delmarvalous.
July 10
Dule rolled in poop today. Sometimes dogs are retarded.
Dule has been eating all her meals. Another growth spurt?
July 16
Dule is scheduled to get her girl parts out. She hopes they don’t activate before then.
July 21
Dule thinks rabbits are fast.
July 22
Dule can’t figure out where the squirrels go after they hit the tree.
July 27
Dule is enjoying her last night with her girl parts :(
July 28
Dule is two ovaries and one uterus lighter. What were those for anyway?
July 31
Dule is feeling much better all of a sudden.
August 5
Dule is glad that A.J. is back and that her belly feels better.
Dule has soooooooooo much energy.
August 8
Dule caught a bird! Aah! On the Lawn! Its parents were not amused. It’s ok (maybe); it hopped away.
August 15
Dule is what the heck happened to the patio?Where did my weeds go?
August 19
Dule has lost some manners - so many people around this week untrained to train her.
August 25
Dule feels awkward walking around Grounds with students around. Like we don’t belong. Cuz we don’t.
rrrrrrr. rrrrrruhf. rrrrrRRRUF!
August 26
Dule Holy moly rabbits are fast!
Dule is clean. And pooped out.
September 4
Dule had an accident for the first time in several months :(. The vacuum cleaner literally scared the crap out of her!
September 7
Dule partied hard and has a sticky neck.
Dule is pretty sure she’s hung over.
September 9
Dule hopes the rain stops so she gets a walk.
September 11
Dule is a different shade of yellow from rolling in dirt all day.
September 12
After day care. I am dirty. Day care is fun.
Dule is a different shade of yellow from rolling in dirt all day…again.
September 13
Dule is salivating for some roasted pig.
September 14
Dule barely has the energy to get up and pee.
September 18
Dule stinks.
September 21
Dule beat Sergey to the name. http://too.blogspot.com/2008/09/about-th… og.html.
September 23
Dule has an ear infection. Stupid pool. What is it with me and my ailments?!?
September 25
Dule is meditating in the fall breeze.
September 29
Dule is turning white again?
October 2
Dule went to the groomer today. The groomer was bad and cut her hair too short. Dule is sad.
halloween and hairs
I have been waiting for Halloween for at LEAST half my life. I was going to be a punk rocker with my crazy hair spiked into a mohawk. Even go all the way down my back and be a punk stegosaurus.
Now I cannot.
Groomer cut the hairs off my head! She was only supposed to cut out my matted hairs. Zero of those were on my head. Stupid groomer.
Maybe I still have enough hair on the sides of my head to be Prodigy. I’M THE FIYAH STARTAH!
The Prodigy - Firestarter
October 7
Dule caught something out of the air for the first time ever! Maybe by accident.
October 11
Dule is tired of these damn fleas! They’re either Frontline-resistant or her owners are idiots.
October 12
Dule wonders if she should be a punk rocker for halloween, or the MGM lion: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKTLqjpQO….
October 14
Fools.
October 16
Dule still does not grasp the concept of reflections in glass, but would make a half decent alarm dog if anyone was ever really there.
Dule went swimming in leaves.
October 18
Dule scavenged chicken bones at the tailgate and might have slipped some by A.J. Dule hopes her bowels remain intact.
October 21
Dule is in a hyperactive stage of her life again.
October 25
Dule is clean and flea-free (for now).
October 28
Dule is what’s a vote and can I eat it?
The left half is my style.
Dog to Unicorn Transformation Kit
October 30
Dule is contemplating killing you in the midst of the night…silent but deadly.
I am a blur of fur.
November 5
Dule bets the dog really did eat the homework. She for one luuuuvs paper.
November 6
Dule says Malia Obama knows what’s up.
November 11
Dule got humped in adolescent training class today and definitely did not like it.
November 12
Shiba Inu Puppy Cam>
They talked about doing this for me when I was little, but were too lazy.
November 16
Dule loves the taste of oozing toenail.
November 25
Dule is day care day care! Day care! day care!
November 26
Ridiculous. Where’s PETA?
Creative Grooming
Dule is confused why her toys and food are going into a bag.
November 27
Can I eat it?
Dule is turkey coma.
November 28
Dule made friends with two horses, but the cows across the street bother her.
November 30
Dule appreciates Laura and A.J. getting her huge sheets of plastic and blue tape to play with.
December 6
Dule discovered the tastiness of shoes because the humans were passed out all day.
Wanted - your other shoe - $50 (craigslist ad)
Looking for a female without a right leg or foot to buy your extra shoe. Must be missing right foot, not left. Need a Dansko “Professional Cabrio”, hickory color, size 41. If your left foot is the same size and you wear this shoe, I would like to buy your extra right shoe. My dog ate mine. I do not need the left shoe, the dog did not eat it.
December 7
December 8
Dule likes the taste of pine tree in the evening. And in the morning. Mostly in my mouth.
December 12
Dule has been hit with the 1-2 punch of daycare and party again. She will see you when she wakes up in 2 days.
December 18
Dule is reflecting on her year in existence.
