Chopstork

I don’t know how persistent bloggers do it! Does a topic just splash over their head and compel them to dive in and write up an article? How do they feel substantial amidst the torrent of posts, comments, and feeds flowing like a thousand Amazon’s and a million Mississippi’s into the world wide interweb?

Perhaps, I don’t see or don’t pickup on the conversational rhythm of blogging in general. Each of my posts seems like a corked note in a bottle tossed out to sea. Someday a pirate may happen across it looking for plunder, but more likely the cork will soak through and the note will float silently to the bottom.

Just maybe years later it will get picked by a gnarly fisherman trolling the bottom for crabs and old tires.

I just found the website They Rule on del.icio.us. It lets you see the web of connections between board members of various corporations and institutions. Kind of like an Executive MySpace.

What interesting links can you find?

A director of Microsoft, Ann Korologos, was also on the board of AMR (American Airlines) with Edward Brennan, who was a director for McDonald’s, which included Robert A. Eckert, who sits on Mattel’s board with G. Craig Sullivan, who works for Levi Strauss. Hmm, the dotcommers do like their dressed down in jeans look … conspiracy!!!

Tonight while watching TV, I tried to change the channel to 45 (Spike, great channel), but screwed up and tried to reset by pressing 0. Somehow, the channel box read 504. I was expecting a blue screen, but instead I got THE LIFETIME MOVIE NETWORK! I immediately made sure Gina was aware of our good fortune. Curious and eager for more, we started flipping through more channels and got to 476 (FUSE). Never heard of it. Nor have we heard of Pants Off Dance Off, the show that was playing at the moment, but it is gold! The whole show is people stripping down (boxers, briefs, bras stay on) to popular music, while the audience votes for the best one. No stripper poles, no clear platform shoes, no hardcore T&A. But plenty of bad visual effects, mediocre looking people, questionable rhythm, and Justin Timberlake songs. Like I said, gold. Oh, and they also have interviews with the dancers, asking them such questions as, “what do you consider erotic?,” “what kind of dance do you like?” and, “when was the last time you danced naked?”  Forget the ninja/pirate/knight/cowboy party. I want to throw a Pants Off Dance Off party.

On a rather unrelated note, does anybody know what an ass clown is? This saturday I heard AJ refer to Michael Bolton as a “no talent ass clown,” an expression I always enjoy. But the deep, soul-searching side of me went beyond the laughter to try to determine what exactly an ass clown is. I went to www.urbandictionary.com, and they supplied a myriad of definitions, but I don’t know if any one in particular is generally regarded as correct.

On a more related note, the guy dancing right now appears to be a no talent ass clown…

…Whoa, nevermind. He just keeps all his talent in his shorts. Wow.

Had a decent turnout, but only eight got to race in the First Big Wheel Race. Cuz the rear wheel collapsed on Chad. Don’t worry, Todd’s already got plans for a new rear end. The results from the official scorekeeper, Chad (aka The Destroyer)…

1st Place: SCOTT M.
2nd Place: A.J.
3rd Place: Todd

Slowest: Chris G.
Goofiest: Chad

DQ’ed for Needox coating the big wheel bearings before his race: Jonathan

Results are final and official. Jonathan still owes $1. Offer not valid in Mexico or North Korea. Void where prohibited.

The Todd B’s 1st Anual Big Wheels Race Results

Racer—Lap1 Time
Jonathan—0:45:18
A.J.—0:34:28
Scott—0:31:71
Andy—0:41:51
Toddy—0:37:18
Carboni—1:19:56
Chris—1:42:62
Chad—1:07:25 ** **(tire blowout on lap1)

Wow, I’d forgotten about the Flying Spaghetti Monster. I remember back when it was just the letter and hand drawn pictures. The Church has come a long way, with more t-shirts, games, pictures, and even videos. He’s still got his global avg temperature vs. number of pirates graph screwed up though. You can’t just arbitrarily reorder the x-axis to make the shape you want (can you?). See FAQ 7. I think I actually emailed him once, but like the other 100 people that tried to correct him, I failed. Never question the Church.

US Patent 5255452

Abstract
A system for allowing a shoe wearer to lean forwardly beyond his center of gravity by virtue of wearing a specially designed pair of shoes which will engage with a hitch member movably projectable through a stage surface. The shoes have a specially designed heel slot which can be detachably engaged with the hitch member by simply sliding the shoe wearer’s foot forward, thereby engaging with the hitch member.

• See the Full Patent
• More Michael Jackson Trivia

About a month ago I mentioned we were modifying my Big Wheel for some time trials. Well, the mods are finally done. After the first handle bar extension broke (and because it said “IGWHEEL” instead of “BIGWHEEL” after assembly), Todd made a new one, plus a bunch of other mods. We now have a Big Wheel ready for racing, complete with extended “BIGWHEEL” handles for pedaling clearance, a headset reinforced with bearings, plastic blocks in the front wheel replaced with metal, a new tube for the fork, a “Remove Before Flight” flag, a raised seat (reams of paper), and yes—a carbon fiber-wrapped fork. It doesn’t get any stiffer than that. Old weight limit: 70 lbs. New weight limit: 250 lbs (hoping the rear axle holds—it’s the next weakest link). Now we just need some spinners. Get excited, the races begin next week.

Update: The first race

So, most of the girls/women I know — especially in this area — are pretty tough and practical. But every woman, no matter how smart or sporty, has some sort of trait that reaffirms her two X chromosomes. Take me, for example. I know a decent amount about football, and can even throw a spiral (somtimes). The first “bad boy” I ever fell for was Megatron, and I think I still know my way around the first and second quests of Zelda without a map. I have most of Spaceballs memorized. So what makes me such a girl? Not the ridiculous number of shoes I have, or the number of supplies in my office that are purple. Nope. It is my penchant for Made for Lifetime movies (not to be confused with the more ambiguous “made-for-TV” movies, although they do sometimes overlap, like in the classic Death of a Cheerleader). I don’t know if it is the sassy female protagonists, the too-suave-to-be-trusted male antagonists, the spoiled-brat-turned-jailbait-slut teenage daughters, or the fact that not every ending is happy, but I can’t get enough. Every once in a while I’ll turn on a Lifetime movie that doesn’t quite do it for me, but for the most part I sit patiently through the commercials, waiting for the estrogen to bring me justice. I’ve got a movie on right now, and even though I should go to bed, I can’t tear myself away. Guys (and some girls) have given me a lot of crap for this over the years, but I can’t change it. It’s irreversible… just like my raincoat.

I try to make sure I get fiber in my diet, cuz I think it keeps me from having to poop at inopportune times. So I’m gonna start a list of fibrous foods. J-bot, if you’re reading this, help me out here. Anyone know how much fiber plain old fresh veggies have?

• Whole wheat bread (Oroweat). 3 g (12%) per slice.
• R.W. Garcia Lo’s Flax Seed tortilla chips. 4 g (15%) per 7 chips.
• Odwalla Berries GoMega fruit juice drink blend. 3 g (12%) per 8 fl oz (w/ 15.2 fl oz per bottle).
• Odwalla Glorious Morning. Unkown, but it’s got the fiber.
• Tostitos Multigrain tortilla chips. 2 g (7%) per 8 chips.
• Backpacker’s Pantry Chicken Saigon Noodles instant camping food. 8 g (33%) per 1/2 package (14 oz serving). Damn.
• Backpacker’s Pantry Katmandu Curry instant camping food. 31 g (126%) per 1/2 package (15 oz serving). DAMN!